WE LOVE YOU PAMMIE SUE!

Hey all you Pammie People,

Jocelyn and I wanted to take a moment to publicly thank everyone for all that you have done. The outpouring of love and support has been unbelievable. Over time we will be able to reach out to everyone individually but felt we should at the very least post this note to say just how appreciative we are for all you have done. First and foremost, the emails, cards, phone calls, texts and hugs received immediately following our mom's passing were exactly what we needed. Your love and affection warmed our hearts and brought us much needed comfort and strength. Thank you to all that donated to mom's memorial fund as well. That money has really helped us take care of the finances required during a time like this and we cannot thank you enough.

And to those that helped with the service and celebration....wow! I think we can all agree that both were amazing and it simply would not have happened without the help of those involved. The food! Oh my goodness! Amazing! The music...perfect! And the spirit of that party was so warm and inviting...Jocelyn and I didn't want it to end. That evening and the attendance clearly demonstrated the effect that our mom has had on everyone. Jocelyn and I received hugs from old friends who haven't seen Pammie in years to friends who had only met her a few months ago. Regardless of how long each person knew our mom, the underlying theme was the same. You all loved her. She touched each of you in a special way. Pammie stood out in your minds above many others because of her sincerity, her kindness, her concern for your well being, her humor, her love for the A's, her incredible navigation skills, her knowledge of the real estate market, her positive attitude, her genuine love for you and my personal favorite....her smile. Momma's smile is so bright in my memory and I know it is in yours and I love that.


I know many want to know how Jocelyn and I are doing and I think it's safe to say that we're doing okay. We miss mom terribly though, especially in the morning. Mom was a morning person and would call us to check in and start her day. After talking to Jocelyn we confessed to each other that we both find ourselves looking at our phones during the morning...waiting for mom to call. It hurts like no other hurt to know that "mom" will never pop up on our phones again. To know that we won't hear that perky voice (at 6AM) is something that will be painful for a long time for us. But...we do our best to take comfort in the fact that mom is comfortable now. She is in a better place and God has plans for her and she is following Him. Although, it appears that she submitted some of her own requests immediately after arriving in Heaven. You see, Kelly and I have been trying to get pregnant again (I know I know...we're crazy). On the Wednesday after mom's surgery, Kelly took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Mom died on Friday and that following Sunday, Kelly took another test. And it was positive! That's right...positive! I like to think that in true Pammie fashion, she got up to Heaven and saw the deal and didn't like it, so she submitted a counter offer. And of course it was accepted. Thanks mom!

I have plans for this blog. I will get the slide show posted as soon as possible and I will add some fun things about our Pammie as time goes on so please continue to check it.

We love you all and thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!

Ryan and Jocelyn

When: Friday February 6th, 2009

Where: Community Prespretarian Church in Danville
222 W. El Pintado Road
Danville, CA 94526
(Click Here for Details)

Time: 4PM to approximately 5:00PM - 5:15PM

Immediately Following: Celeberation of Life -
Where: Sycamore Clubhouse
635 Old Orchard Drive
Danville, CA 94526
Time: Approximately 5:30PM

I hope everyone can make it. It will certainly be a very special evening.

As many of you know, our Pammie is so PROUD to be "Grammie Pammie." She loves her four grand kids, Tristan, Caden, Abby and Eddie so much! And did you know she has two more grand daughters? Most of you do, but for those that don't, her granddaughter Abby has two twin sisters, Emma and Madelyne that are already in Heaven. Well, something very special is happening today. Grammie Pammie gets to meet those two. As I type this post, my heart is so full with the knowledge that my momma is loving up on my two baby girls right now. She still gets to be "Grammie Pammie" and that makes me so happy.

For those of you just getting the news, a sequence of events yesterday morning caused mom's brain to swell and put so much pressure on it that she died. She was in her sleep when it happened and did not suffer any pain during any of this. Our plan was to carry out her wishes to be an organ donor, however, she had a small case of melanoma in 2007 and so was not a viable candidate for organ donation. At this point Jocelyn and I and few others said our goodbye's one last time today and at 12 noon the docs took her off the breathing machine and let her go peacefully. The overwhelming sense of peace and love in that room was amazing. There is no doubt that it was mom telling us that she was fine. That she was BETTER than fine and not to worry.

Interestingly enough, mom came down for Thanksgiving to my house in Mission Viejo where we talked about what she would want if she died. And momma wanted a party! "I don't want everyone standing around crying! I want good music and food and laughter." Well that is exactly what you will get momma...aka Pammie Sue...aka Grammie Pammie...aka Pamorama...aka Pammer! You will have your party.

Stay tuned for the time and date of the service. ALL and I do mean ALL are invited. That's how mom wants it. So let's do this and lets do this Pammie Style.

Thank you all for your love and support. It has been amazing. My mom loved each and every one of you and Jocelyn and I we do as well.

Mom, I love you with all my heart. I am so happy and thankful for the intense love you poured over me my entire life, for the constant "mothering" no matter how much I said I didn't need it because you knew I did, for the example you were to me, for the friend you were to me, for your sense of humor and for your generosity. You sacrificed so much for Jocelyn and me and I love you for that. You did good momma. You did real good. I can't wait to see you again. Take care of my girls for me.

Love your son,

Ryan

Good Morning Pammie Fans,

So I've been up all morning reading up on this hypothalamus dealeo. I really like this LINK so take a look if you have time. I have copied that web pages summary of what the hypothalamus is here....

" The hypothalamus is a small area at the base of the brain, weighing about 4 gm out of the 1400 gm brain weight of an adult human, yet it performs a wide range of functions that are vital for the survival of the individual. In general, the hypothalamus acts as a integrator to regulate and coordinate basic functions necessary for life, such as fluid and electrolyte balance; feeding and energy metabolism; wake-sleep cycles; thermoregulation; stress responses; and sexual behavior and reproduction. "

So the question today is, "how badly was the hypothalamus damaged?" It's clear that we all need this thing and now we just need to pray like crazy that mom's hypothalamus hasn't been affected too badly.

Stay positive, pray for my momma, your Pammie and stay tuned. I'll post some more throughout the day as I learn more from the docs.

Love

Ryan

I am asking that everyone who knows Pam take a moment tonight at 8pm to pray for her.
Please pass this information along to others. Sincerely, Marah

Hi everybody,



The good news is that mom responded well to Dr. Efron this morning. He asked her to squeeze his hand and she did a couple of times. He even asked her to show her two fingers (like a peace sign) and she did that as well. He was VERY encouraged by this one. She also squeezed Jocelyn's hand when she asked her to do so. Which of course was very exciting for her as she has been asking mom to do this from post op. day one! He too was very concerned she wasn't doing any of this yesterday and was extremely happy to finally see some activity today.

Okay...so here are the three main concerns.

1 - The Hypothalamus. The hypothalamus controls body temperature, hunger, thirst, sleep patterns, and other things. He is worried that some, if not all of these things were affected during the surgery. The hypothalamus communicates with the pituitary gland, and as I mentioned before, one of things the pituitary gland controls is bladder function which brings me to the second main concern.

2 - Pituitary Gland - This is basically the bladder control issue that I mentioned.

3 - Optic Nerve - Both of mom's optic nerves were manipulated and thus her sight is a concern. There is also a concern about mom's eye lids. The cranial nerve that controls the opening and closing of the eye (cranial nerve #3) for both eyes were touching the tumor.

Something else that Dr. Efron is concerned about but isn't part of his top 3 concerns are the fact that mom doesn't have very strong movement in the left side of her body. He's not too concerned about this because mom will be able to get her strength back with therapy and time.

There was also a loss of blood flow to mom's brain which was due to the manipulation of the tiny blood vessels that were involved in the surgery. This basically means that our Pammie suffered a stroke. The effects that this will have her long term are unkown. In fact, the long term effects of all of this are unkown. It's the unkown that is driving us nuts. We just want mom to perk up and be the Pammie we all know and love. Jocelyn has been awesome with mom. She knows that mom is a big believer in the "healing touch" and continues to tickle her arms, massage her feet and hold her hands.

Today our goal is to continue talking to her, telling her we love her and reminding her where she is and what has gone on. But it's day by day friends. Any ideas of her getting out of her anytime soon are just not realistic. So let's take it one step at a time. The first step is for mom to wake up and to get that breathing tube out.

Keep the prayers comin'.

Love

Us

Hey Team,

The ICU is really cracking down on the visiting hours today. We can't get a word out of them one way or the other re: the Cat Scan yet. Mom is doing fine. Still snoozin'.

More to come soon...